you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
