I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
