i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
