he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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