I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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