Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
