I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i drank out of a bidet.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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