Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
