he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
