I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
