Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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