He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
