I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We left the knife in your bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize