I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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