I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
