he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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