i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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