at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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