fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
