don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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