My room smells like vodka and shame
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
