Heybabeimwearingurpanties
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
