Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
