he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
