In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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