can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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