question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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