If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
