went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
