sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
