it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
