i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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