Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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