the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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