Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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