Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
