Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He? As in you personified your dick?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
