Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
