well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Small penises have feelings too.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
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we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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