You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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