Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You did what with his pubic hair?
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