It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
