The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
