Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
