She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
