please come you make the beer taste better
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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