This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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