well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she told me i tasted like america
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
