when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
