Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
