hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
