i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
