Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
