perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
