brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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