I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
