can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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