his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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