I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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