You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
