The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
