Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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