Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
