...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
