Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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