i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
