Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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