party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
