The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
zippers are such a cool invention
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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