If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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