I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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