If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
